An anonymous sperm donor has made our family complete
Laura Leigh Abby and her wife, Sam, began dating in college and married in 2013. They always knew that they would need to choose a sperm donor, as they both dearly wanted a family of their own yet knew they would need to involve a third party: a man.
What they didn’t realise was just how difficult it would be to choose the right one
Not keen on the idea of asking male friends or their own brothers – they each have one – the couple wanted their children to be theirs and didn’t want their siblings to be burdened “with the complexity of being the biological father,” reports Cosmopolitan. They didn’t want to complicate relationships with their friends either. Laura says that: “Donor sperm means that uncles can be uncles and friends will stay friends.”
Naturally, they had a set of criteria that should, in essence, have made the decision-making process so much easier. Knowing that they were seeking a man with: “brown hair, blue eyes, healthy genes, and an affinity for math and science,” along with other factors, including someone: “who’d mix with our genes” creating “children that would resemble us, even if only slightly,” surely would help them arrive at a decision in a considered and efficient manner.
The enormity of the impact of their selection became all too clear
However, on actually coming to that point where they needed to make their choice, the enormity of the impact of their selection became suddenly all too clear.
Laura says that “meeting [a donor] only through the web page of his donor profile,” she knew “nothing of his temperament or sense of humor.”
Not one to believe in fete or signs, Laura finally succumbed when she saw the message one donor gave to the children who would potentially be conceived using his sperm. It read: “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams,” and “[live] the life you’ve imagined,” the very same Thoreau quote Laura’s father had used when making a toast at his daughter’s wedding.
Rather than looking at the decision-making process on a more scientific level, Laura felt more comfortable with the “meant to be,” more spiritual reasoning.
The couple bought every vial of that donor’s sperm available – six in total
Following a number of fertility treatment attempts, today Laura is expecting. The route hasn’t been straightforward for the pair. When it is Sam’s turn to carry a baby, they may have to find another donor. They ideally want for their children to be biological siblings; for a number of reasons, including potential health-related matters down the line, such as organ donation, should that ever be necessary.
At the time of writing, their donor had made no more donations. Their doctor has helped by using half a vial per IVF cycle, instead of a whole vial.
So, time will tell. The couple are prepared to find another donor, if they must.
In the meantime, Laura says of their unborn baby: “I can’t wait to see which of our traits he or she displays.”